My fiancé and are great debaters. We LOVE to debate about everything.
Looking from the outside in some would think that we argue a lot. That truly isn’t the case. It is true, we both are opinionated and stubborn and love a well spirited debate about almost any subject. We have been known to argue the meaning of life, the merits of reality tv, religion, and Pacific Rim.
It is not uncommon to overhear us saying…
You get the idea.
However lately some of our spirited debates have devolved into full blown arguments. Debating with more than a sprinkling of yelling and/or crying. A couple examples are the now infamous; need for alone time vs. the need for snuggles and attention or the great logical vs. emotional debate of 2014.
In this debating/arguing/making up cycle, I have come to realize that Matt and I are very different. He is logical, intelligent, honest and straight forward- my Spock. However like the Vulcan himself, he also has a tender and emotional side – deep inside… but it is in there. I, on the other hand, am a passionate and emotional girl. I can go from sweetly loving to scorched earth in 30 seconds flat. This has all led me to discussions with good friends. I have had lots of advice that Matt and I need to work on our communication skills. However being an anti self help, hard headed, “psychology is a myth”, I prefer the Asian way of dealing with things kind of gal (long story for another day) – I have to wonder. Do we really?
I agree that there are times we can come a little closer to the middle and not be polarized. I think in a very loving and natural way we are getting there. Sure… there will be some bruised egos and emo playlists along the way, but I think that, in our own unique crazy way, we will work this all out. I also want to mention the fact that I am a great lover of the differences we bring to the relationship. Matthew is “such a man”. He steps up to the plate of responsibility, he makes me feel safe, and loved, wanted and sexy. He opens my doors; he pays for dinner, and he carries my groceries. He doesn’t always know what to say when I cry, and whenever I have a problem he wants to solve it rather than talk about how it makes me feel.
I like to think that I bring a nurturing element to our relationship; I make pretty things, coordinate birthdays and celebrations, cook brunch and dinners — smell nice, snuggle, and yes — sometimes I flip out and want to spend the day watching sad reruns and eating sweet treats in bed. When I see my man stressing out, and the weight of the world is on his shoulders, I just want to bring him food and hold him close.
Do we need to work on our communication skills? Maybe a little. Maybe not. I don’t really understand or really want to become more alike. Sure.. we can probably try to come up with a way to talk about certain subjects without getting our debate devolving into an argument. This all said, our great debates are never mean spirited and always end with an I love you…so is it so bad?