So today was a day I saw lots of red equal signs, and after a little research I found out that it was a statement for Marriage Equality – or Gay/Same Sex Marriage. What ever you want to call it. The supreme court is hearing a case or two on it I guess.

This is a difficult subject for me. I am a faithful member of the LDS church. I love my religion, believe in its teachings and our leaders whole heartedly. The subject of family and marriage and love is one that is dear and sacred to me. At the same time, I have some of the most amazing gay friends. And when they tell me that the one thing they want is the ability to marry the person they love and are committed to – my heart hurts. Does my desire for my friends happiness make me a bad christian and does my faiths stand on gay marriage make me a bigot?

After much discussion, I do now feel comfortable with where I have been “standing” on this issue… and more important where that stance comes from. So here it is.

I believe in marriage between a man and a woman and having some kids and doing everything you can to commit to staying in that marriage and raising those kids to be god loving good people. I do believe that this order of family is ordained of god.  I also know first hand that shiz happens and sometimes that isn’t in the cards. And in the end, its all about loving and raising those kids.

I believe that the government should not tell me who that man should be. If I want to marry a bearded white redneck as an asian woman, I should damn well able to. Being a minority in Utah, I have seen some things. I have been discriminated against, had a date criticized for dating an asian girl rather than a good white one, and witnessed bigotry toward gays. It’s all bad stuff. And all makes my heart hurt. As a single parent of three daughters for over 10 years now, I know what its like at least a little to not fit into my faith. I am usually surrounded by married families. I have sat in church classes for marriage and family that totally didn’t apply to me because I don’t have that. I have been asked, criticized, and scolded for not finding a husband.  I do have an awesome little loving family. I love my girls more than anything in the world and every moment of my day and fiber of my being is for them.

I believe as a faithful christian woman in love one another. That we are all god’s children and that we are all brothers and sisters under our heavenly father. This includes people who decide to believe differently and love differently. And I don’t like being a hypocrite. If I don’t want the government in my business telling me how to spend my money, who to help, who to marry, etc. than why should I. I don’t believe in legislating everything I believe. I believe that everything would be better pink and sparkly but I don’t believe that we should make it law. Just as I hate cornflower blue but don’t think we should outlaw it either. If you want a fugly sweatshirt in cornflower blue – you go right ahead.

And I do believe, that as americans. If you are gay and want to go down the black hole of marriage, something I would rather poke my eyes out than think about myself – well go for it. I have heard the arguments for why my faith basically believes that is wrong, and thats fine. I don’t think that it endangers my beliefs or my children’s. I don’t think my gay friend getting married makes it harder for me to pass down my beliefs. I don’t think it is my right to take that right away from you if that is what you choose. And maybe, just maybe, you will think twice about judging me for wanting to find a man that looks like he’s come straight off duck dynasty….

I know that this issue is a deep one… and as I continue to learn and grow I am sure my opinion will grow and maybe even evolve. But for now I err on the side of love. If you found it hooray. And if you want to get married then cool. If you disagree, thats ok – we can still love. And if you are gay and want to get married,  just hit me up and I’ll tell you where to send the invite because I am sure it will be fabulous!

*note: since writing this I have seen a lot of posts basically stating that those with my beliefs don’t have to compromise. I want to state for the record, clearly – I am not compromising. My stance is not one that was from social pressure. How I feel and my stand on this issue is my own. One that  I did not come to easily. And though I did ask my friends for perspective – because I like to hear all sides and varying opinions, the conclusion is one that was my own. How I feel is a result of what was in my heart, sincere prayer, and a love for those around me.