The next chapter of our little love story is upon us. First a recap. Currently we have 3 older daughters – Sierra (19) Savannah (17) and Sedona (14) from a previous marriage, and Matthew and I have Samara, who is one – together. Samara is a Clomid baby.

Fast forward to today. We have been on clomid again officially for 5 cycles at 150 MG dose. I am showing that I ovulate, but we have not Рat this point been able to make it happen. So we recently went to a fertility specialist to see if we can move things along. The reality is I am now 43 and the clock is for sure ticking. The doc was awesome and went over the battery of testing that I will go through and the various options we have, assuming I do in fact still have some viable eggs.

So the next step is simple. This weekend we are undergoing IUI – Intrauterine Insemination. In the am my Mr will have a date with a cup, then the tech will take his… uh… “sample” and test it. Once tested they will then “prepare” it. I don’t really know what that entails, I imagine it is the medical version of the Braveheart speech – just getting his boys ready for the mission, throwing on a sperm war paint and getting PUMPED! A couple hours later I go in and well as they explain it (I have never done this so I am just going by what they tell me) they will place a catheter all the way in to deposit the boys into the uterus giving them a little head start on their journey.

Can I tell you. This is weird. Seriously. As the nurse was explaining to me how this all works – all I could think is how the hell does anyone get pregnant? I mean it sounds impossible, so many moons need to line up. Those little swimmers have a pretty hefty journey. It is nothing short of miraculous – with or without medical intervention. The other thing I was thinking was “try not to laugh and reveal you have the maturity of Beavis and Butthead”…

NOW, If I don’t get pregnant with this, then the battery of tests starts. And I won’t lie – they don’t sound pleasant. And If the tests come back that I do have viable eggs – we will then move on to a more aggressive treatment plan. With needles and stuff. Lets hope it doesn’t come to that.

I have tried to temper my feelings. After all – there are countless couples who are struggling to have a baby, let alone their 5th. I have been blessed with four amazing daughters, so I really have nothing to complain about. But that said, this journey is sobering. At every turn I am reminded that I am in fact a mother of “ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE”. I am bombarded with statistics and reminders of all the things that can go wrong and how being 43 just increases all those chances. But the Mr. and I just know – we have one more little waiting for us. So our journey continues. More to come…