connected

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We live in a connected world. I for one, make my living through social media and this connection.  I sleep with my cell phone. My laptop is always just an arms length away.  I work, play, eat, live, breathe, and now love – connected. But does being connected mean I am less connected to the real world?

My “modern love story” started online. That is where we met. We started to get to know each other, flirting…chatting through IM. We then graduated to texting and talking on the phone. We met face to face, it is our favorite way to be. But because our very busy work and life schedules – more often.. texting is how we get to know each other.

So here is where the debate begins. For many – texting, IM, Facebook – these connections are not real. I have heard over and over again that using digital connections as a way to expand a relationship is short changing or even shallow. There is no way to develop intimacy and nurturing.  On the other hand, there are those who feel that technology is actually a gathering. We are now able to connect in ways we could not before, making the world a smaller place. I don’t think there is a right or wrong on this one… and where you fall on this little issue is all on you. But I do however want to share some of my experience.

Being face to face… nothing beats it. I am totally in that fun getting to know you, everything is exciting and new, can’t get enough of hanging out with you chapter of my love story. However being an almost 40 year old single mother of three juggling career, family, home, church, and now a relationship – means I don’t exactly have all the time in the world for face to face. (not to mention that my man has an equally insane and unpredictable work schedule) So digital connection has become a very important part of our relationship. And with this, I have realized that it can be a really nice tool for getting to know each other. YES I would love to have all these conversations face to face if I had a choice. But technology does not mean a lack of intimacy.

For me personally – I have found it to be fun and playful. A way to pop in quickly and say -“sorry I am running late, AGAIN.” or  “hey I want to kiss your face!” But it’s more than that.

I have engaged in some pretty amazing conversations through the digital communication. I believe that I have increased the closeness of our relationship and learned a whole lot about my guy through yes – texting. Now, that sounds a little crazy I know. How can words popping up on my iphone bring us closer. I am not sure, but it does. We have also had conversations on subjects I am usually too shy or uncomfortable to talk about in person. We have been able to lay down some boundaries, talk about where we are and where we want to be, set some expectations, and of course lots and lots of laughter.  I love pictures and send them frequently. {No, not just sexy pics.} Pics of where I am, what I am doing, or of my gas gauge that is completely at empty. When he does the same {like when he is on vacation across the country} I feel like I’m almost there. And at the very least I know I am on his mind… and that is a good feeling to have.

That all said, balance is key. We spend as much time together as we can. When we do – I am actually pretty disconnected from my digital world. We make an effort to put down the phones and actually spend time together. (harder for me than it is for him I think)  But what I am already learning, is that our digital communication is  very much an extension of our face to face old fashioned real selves. There is no disconnect between what we text and what we say. No – it wouldn’t be the same if we never saw each other. And I think there has to be a concerted effort for all parties to be as real as possible when connecting digitally. So for me, love in the digital age mean love in the digital world. And though it may not be for everyone, it works for me. If you have thoughts… I would love to hear them!

Also – in case you didn’t notice I am totally obsessed with TED talks right now. This is a great little playlist on our digital lives.

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About the author

I am a self proclaimed crafty girl with a love for everything from paper to pixels. I can often be somewhere online while I am waiting for the paint to dry on my latest experimentation. I am a social marketing professional whose passion for delicious food and good cooking began as a young girl. A mother of three voracious, food loving daughters (including one vegan). I am a California girl currently living in Happy Valley, UT.

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2 comments

  1. geezee

    Wonderfully put, the balance is important. I liked hearing all you had to say and I think us 40-somethings will be the bridge for the generations. We have a unique perspective to pass on to the ones coming up in this digital age. They will be seeing us make our real time relationships important. That is something I am afraid will be more difficult for them as time passes. Good job documenting your journey.

  2. coconutgoddess

    Exactly. Love in the digital age is totally new. How we interact, connect, and disconnect for that matter. And I loved how you said that, we are the bridge right now!

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